There I was, happily playing in the pool with my kids. When I looked up and saw him. I was so stunned that for a moment all I could do was stare at him. I'm hoping now that he didn't see me staring. What would he think?
When I was a sophomore in high school, I was, shall we say, um, top heavy? I got a lot of comments ranging from "you are so lucky" from girls, to grunting and staring from the boys. Behind my back it was said that I was easy. What is it about big boobs that makes people think a girl is easy? It isn't like sleeping around makes your breasts grow.
One day after practicing for the musical, when the school was virtually empty except for the theater, I wanted to go fix my hair. For some reason, I went to one of the restrooms farther away from the theater. I didn't notice him behind me. I got all the way into the restroom and was startled by hands pulling at me from behind. I was whirled around and slammed up against the mirror, all the while being groped and slobbered on. It felt like he was trying to jam his tongue down my throat. When I finally was able to process what was going on, I managed to push him off me. I yelled something at him, something stupid and totally senseless I'm sure, and ran out of the bathroom.
I don't remember ever telling anyone except one person. His girlfriend was in my biology class. I told her what he had done to me. She called me a liar, said I was just jealous, and for the rest of high school, even after they had broken up, refused to speak to me and talked about me to her friends. I don't know why I never told a teacher, the principal, my mom. I guess I thought that since I was built that way, I was just going to have to get used to that kind of stuff happening.
The summer between my sophomore and junior years, I had a breast reduction. Guess who is the only person to ever notice. Him. Yeah, he denied what happened, but he still managed to be the only one to see that I had changed.
So there I was, at the community center's indoor pool. James had taken Honor to use the restroom. I was watching for her to come back when I saw him. It took the breath right out of me. I know I wasn't raped or beaten or even physically hurt at all, but the site of him, even 22 years later, brought back a feeling in the pit of my stomach that I thought was gone. Does it ever completely go away?
This year is my 20 year high school reunion. Up until that day, I had been trying to decide if I should go or not. Seeing him was a great way to make up my mind.
2 comments:
Having been a police officer, I can assure you that what you felt is not uncommon at all. Thankfully you were able to get out of the situation before things got worst.
The only way to make that feeling go away is the next time you see him.....hold your head up and carry on like he was just another human. You did nothing wrong and once you wipe out any feelings of guilt/shame you take away the "power" he has on you.
It never ceases to amaze me how time can go by, and you see someone from your past and boom! It is as if a day has not past. I am so sorry for that experience you had. I think you should give that creep a piece of your mind if you ever see him again! Okay, nevermind . . . listen to rog, that sounds like a more mature way to go.
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